Constructive Criticism Doesn’t Exist: Growth Requires Feedback—Not Judgment
August 2025
Hello, Community — In last month’s newsletter, I shared reflections from my dance residency in VT and mentioned I’d be diving deeper into one of the most powerful (and vulnerable) parts of that process: the feedback conversation.
Since then, I’ve noticed a bit of synchronicity.
Many of my coaching clients—across industries and roles—have been navigating feedback in some form or another: some just wrapped mid-year performance reviews; others are preparing for career pivots or leadership transitions; and a few are still wrestling with past feedback they can’t seem to shake. (We’ve all been there at some point.)
And it’s got me thinking…
Feedback, like change, is a constant in our lives—personally and professionally. And just like change, it can feel overwhelming when we approach it from a place of fear. But when grounded in trust and intention, feedback can become one of the most powerful tools for growth, development, and even fulfillment.
There’s a phrase I hear tossed around far too often when the theme of feedback comes up: “Constructive criticism.”
Let’s talk about why that term might be doing more harm than good…
Constructive Criticism Doesn’t Exist:
Growth Requires Feedback—Not Judgment
After the showing of our work-in-progress, we invited the audience to stay for a talkback. But instead of asking whether they liked what they saw, we asked questions designed to invite curiosity—not judgment.
What did you notice?
What stuck with you?
What questions did you leave with?
We weren’t interested in “good” or “bad.” Those are subjective labels—everyone has their own aesthetics and preferences. What we wanted was perspective, insight, and reflection.
From there, we opened up a conversation—sharing what inspired each piece, what we were exploring, and how we crafted what ultimately showed up onstage.
The goal wasn’t to fix or evaluate. It was to witness, reflect, and illuminate.
That’s what feedback—at its best—does. It creates a mirror, not a magnifying glass.
Feedback becomes a tool for learning, a catalyst for development, and an opportunity for deeper connection. And this approach doesn’t just belong in the studio—it’s just as essential in leadership, collaboration, and everyday life.
So let’s “circle back” (how many times have you heard that in a meeting?) to the phrase “constructive criticism.”
The term itself is an oxymoron. You can’t construct something meaningful if you start by tearing it down.
When people feel criticized, they enter a stress response. They either shut down or armor up—defending themselves rather than listening. In that state, they’re not open to receiving anything, no matter how helpful it might be.
If the goal is to support someone’s growth—to help them improve, move forward, or become a more effective team member—then “constructive criticism” isn’t a tool. It’s an obstacle.
Does that mean feedback should always be soft or overly positive? Not at all.
Real feedback can (and should) be challenging. It can shine a light on gaps, missteps, and missed marks. But the energy behind it is what determines whether it fuels growth—or shuts someone down.
Feedback that supports growth starts from:
Curiosity, not correction
Partnership, not power dynamics
Shared goals, not personal attacks
When feedback is grounded in intention, not ego, it becomes a catalyst for development—not a trigger for defensiveness.
But there’s another side to this conversation: Even when feedback is offered with care and clarity, we still have to learn how to receive it.
During my MFA thesis process, we had mid-project reviews with faculty. After presenting, one professor called my piece “brilliant, layered, and evocative.” Ten minutes later, another called it “chaotic, overwhelming, and unclear.”
Same work. Completely different feedback.
That moment taught me something vital: Not all feedback is meant for you.
Discernment is key when receiving feedback. Just because someone gives you feedback doesn’t mean you have to carry it.
Take this common example: you ask for feedback on a resume, pitch, or new project. If you try to incorporate every piece of input you receive, you’ll likely end up with something that no longer feels like you—it becomes an amalgamation of everyone else’s ideas of what it should be.
That’s why discernment is one of the most essential skills leaders, creators, and humans can develop: The ability to receive feedback with openness—and then decide what to integrate and what to release.
This kind of discernment doesn’t just apply to formal feedback sessions or creative critiques—it applies to everything. Because the truth is: feedback isn’t just something we get from other people. We’re receiving it all the time.
In coaching, I often remind clients: All of life is feedback.
Energy. Relationships. Results. Reactions. Our bodies. Our calendars. We are constantly being given information about what’s working and what’s not.
Taking time to pause and reflect regularly helps us make intentional, aligned changes. At the end of each week, I write down what I’m celebrating and what needs to shift so the following week can feel more sustainable.
This practice is especially important when I start to feel run down. It helps me course-correct before I burn out.
The same is true in organizations. Feedback shouldn’t be reserved just for annual reviews or emergency interventions. It should be embedded into the rhythm of how we work and lead.
Especially after big projects or moments of change, take time to ask:
What worked?
What didn’t?
What got in the way?
What do we want to do differently next time?
Doing this not only helps prevent burnout and dysfunction—it strengthens self-awareness, builds resilience, and fuels innovation.
Here are two simple but powerful frameworks you can start using in both your professional and personal life. One supports giving feedback with clarity and care; the other helps you receive feedback with discernment.
🌹 Rose, Bud, Thorn
A reflective tool for offering balanced feedback:
Rose – What worked? What felt strong or effective?
Bud – What’s emerging? What shows promise or potential?
Thorn – What was challenging, unclear, or could be improved?
This structure invites curiosity and helps teams, collaborators, and individuals stay grounded in learning—not judgment.
🔄 LADA: A Framework for Receiving Feedback
A tool to help you process feedback thoughtfully and intentionally:
Listen – Allow the other person to fully express their thoughts.
Absorb – Clarify and reflect to ensure you understand.
Decide – Consider what resonates and what doesn’t.
Act – Choose what, if anything, to implement going forward.
Listen and Absorb happen in the moment.
Decide and Act come later—with reflection and intention.
I invite you to reflect:
How do you typically respond to feedback?
What’s your intention when giving feedback?
How can you build more feedback-friendly rhythms into your life or leadership?
Feedback isn’t about proving your worth. It’s about aligning with your growth. It’s about curiosity over criticism, reflection over reaction, and partnership over performance. And it’s one of the most powerful ways we learn about ourselves, our work, and each other.
P.S. If you or your team are ready to create a more feedback-friendly culture—one rooted in growth, trust, and clear communication—I’d love to support that process. From 1:1 coaching to leadership development and team facilitation, I’m here to help you build the rhythms and skills that make feedback feel meaningful (not messy). Let’s connect.