Rethinking Boundaries: From Protection to Sustainable Connection

April 2026

Hello Community—Happy April! Along with spring doing its thing right now (cue the pollen and weather that changes every 30 minutes), April is also Stress Awareness Month.

And there’s one word that keeps coming up in conversations around stress: Boundaries.

It’s coming up in coaching sessions, in conversations with my college students, and even in my own life. People are feeling tired. There is a lot to navigate right now, both personally and professionally.

The thing I keep hearing is:

“I need better boundaries.”

When I hear this, I always ask a simple question:

What does that mean to you?

And more often than not, people don’t actually have an answer. Because while we say we need boundaries, many of us don’t know what that looks like in practice. Or we try to create them and end up feeling more overwhelmed, more disconnected, or unsure if we’re doing it “right.”

Rethinking Boundaries:

From Protection to Sustainable Connection

My relationship with boundaries has shifted a lot over time.

When I was younger, I didn’t have boundaries at all. I didn’t see them as something supportive. I saw them as something that would get in the way of connection. Why would I want anything between me and another person?

Instead, I found myself constantly adapting to others. To be clear, adaptability in itself isn’t a bad thing, but this was different. I would bend, stretch, and contort myself to make others comfortable, to be liked, and to avoid conflict. I was living in the fawn response without even realizing it.

And while I thought I was being supportive in my relationships, I wasn’t being honest. I wasn’t being myself.

Over time, that began to strain those relationships. Without honesty and authenticity, real connection isn’t actually possible. It also led to exhaustion, resentment, and a loss of self. Because when you’re constantly adapting to others, no one is actually in relationship with you.

Eventually, I swung to the other extreme. I decided I needed boundaries, so I built Walls.

Maybe you’ve experienced this too. After a period of over giving, the instinct is to protect—to become more rigid, more guarded, less available.

At first, it feels powerful. But here’s the thing. Walls don’t just protect us. They isolate us. They keep others out, and they keep us from being truly seen.

So if boundaries aren’t about having none, and they aren’t about building walls…what are they?

The way I think about boundaries now is this: They are a Bubble.

If you picture Glinda the Good Witch floating in her bubble, that image captures it perfectly.

A bubble allows you to see others and be seen by them. It holds your energy so you’re not leaking yourself into every space, and it protects you from taking on energy that isn’t yours.

What makes it powerful is that it’s flexible. It can expand in spaces where you feel you need more protection and buffering. It can contract in spaces where you feel more safe. You can invite people in. You can create distance. And it moves with you. That flexibility gives you something boundaries are really about: Choice.

Though choice only matters if we know how to act on it. Putting boundaries into practice can be challenging because it requires behavior change. 

First, your behavior. Choosing to respond differently instead of defaulting to old patterns. That takes awareness, intention, and practice.

Then, other people’s behavior. Just because you decide to create a boundary doesn’t mean others will immediately adjust. People are used to a version of you. So when that shifts, there can be friction.

That’s where patience and clarity come in. Though also honesty. Because if someone consistently cannot meet you within your boundary over time, that’s information for you. It tells you something about the relationship, and what may need to change moving forward.

Boundaries are not just important in our personal relationships, but also in our professional ones. 

What I see over and over again in organizations is that boundary challenges don’t just live at the individual level. They show up in team dynamics and culture.

Within teams, a lack of boundaries often looks like over-functioning and under-functioning happening at the same time. Some people take on too much and others step back or disengage. Over time, that imbalance creates frustration, confusion, and burnout.

In leadership, unclear boundaries can show up as:

• Saying yes to everything and becoming overwhelmed

• Avoiding difficult conversations to keep the peace

• Taking responsibility for things that actually belong to the team

And on the flip side, when leaders swing too far into “walls,” it can look like:

• Being unavailable or hard to access

• Leading with rigidity instead of flexibility

• Prioritizing control over connection

Neither creates what most teams are actually striving for.

Healthy boundaries in teams aren’t about doing less or caring less. They’re about creating clarity. Clarity around roles. Clarity around expectations. Clarity around what is mine to carry and what is not. When that clarity is missing, people don’t step up. They either overcompensate or withdraw. 

But when boundaries are clear and communicated, something shifts. Trust increases, accountability becomes shared, and people can actually show up more fully in their role without burning out.

While boundaries shape how we show up in teams, organizations, and our personal relationships, they always start with us. 

Similar to the shift in seasons, our boundaries shift too. What you need in one phase of life may not be what you need in another. The same is true in the workplace, on teams, and in relationships. Boundaries are not fixed lines. They are living, evolving agreements with yourself.

So how can you start to shift your relationship to boundaries?

• Notice your default pattern. Do you tend to overextend or shut down?

• Pause before responding. Give yourself space to choose instead of react.

• Name what you need. Even if you don’t say it out loud yet, start by getting clear with yourself.

• Stay connected while honoring yourself. Boundaries are not about disappearing.

These are small shifts, but they begin to change how you show up in meaningful ways.

I Invite You to Reflect:

*Where in your life are you overextending or giving more than you have to give?

*Where might you be building walls instead of creating connection?

*What would it look like to stay connected while also honoring yourself?

Walls create isolation. Bubbles create connection. Healthy boundaries are not about creating distance. They are about creating sustainable connection.

P.S. Learning how to create boundaries that support both connection and self-respect is a core part of the work I do with individuals, teams, and organizations. If this is something you’re navigating, I’d be happy to connect.