The Both/And of Growth: How I Failed and Succeeded at the Same Time

March 2025

Hello, Community – Happy Spring! While the temperatures are still cooler than I’d like here in NYC, the sun has been making more frequent appearances, and the shift in seasons is definitely underway. You can feel the blossoming energy in the air.

Earlier this month, I wrote about relationships — the ones we build with others and the inner dynamics they reveal. But there’s another kind of relationship that’s just as important, and often more difficult to navigate: the one we have with ourselves when we feel like we’ve failed.

What do you say to yourself when you fall short of a goal?

When your best doesn’t feel like it was enough?

When you’re tired, discouraged, and not sure how to keep going?

This month brought two powerful reminders that growth isn’t always linear — and that the real work is often about how we choose to see and support ourselves when things don’t go the way we hoped.

The Both/And of Growth:

How I Failed and Succeeded at the Same Time

Recently, I ran the NYC Half Marathon. I’ve done this race before — and last year, I felt strong and proud after achieving a really big goal. This year, I didn’t even hit my A goal… or my B goal. I had trained. I had visualized. I was ready.

And… it just wasn’t my day.

I didn’t meet either goal.

I ran slower than last year.

I felt heavy. Off. Discouraged. Disconnected from myself.

There was a moment, mid-race, where I seriously considered stopping. Because what’s the point of finishing if you’re not going to meet your goal, right? (In fact, I did stop — right before mile 11 — when I saw my parents. I stood there for about a minute and even took a video of the runners coming through Times Square. Because… why not?)

From mile 6 through the finish line, I had to dig deep. I reminded myself of the very work I do with clients — helping them move toward their goals, even in the face of resistance or disappointment.

The Core Energy Leadership™ framework is one of the tools I teach to help people become more aware of their internal patterns — their thoughts, emotions, and energy — so they can choose something different.

And right there in the middle of the race, I became both the coach and the client.

Around the same time, I was reviewing my Q1 business goals — and realizing that I hadn’t hit those either. While some wonderful opportunities came my way, the core goal I had set for this quarter — the one I believed would set me up for long-term success — didn’t materialize the way I had hoped.

I planted seeds. I invested time, energy, and money. But the tangible outcomes fell short of the bar I had set for myself.

To make things more complex, I’m now considering walking away from a client engagement because the work no longer feels aligned with my business’ north star.

And just like that, the voices of doubt crept in:
You should be further along by now.
Why isn’t it working?
What are you doing wrong?
Are you even capable — or good enough — to be an entrepreneur?

And again, I turned to the framework.

Not to bypass the pain — but to be with it, so I could move through it with more awareness and self-compassion.

How I Used the Core Energy Leadership Framework to Move Forward

Here’s what it looked like — inside the race, and inside my business life — to move through the levels. To feel it all. To shift the energy without denying the experience.

Level 1: The Victim
Thought: “I’m a failure.”

Emotion: Shame, hopelessness
Question: “What’s the point of trying if I’m just going to fall short?”
What helped: Naming it. Feeling it. Not pretending I wasn’t disappointed. And still choosing to keep going, step by step.

Level 2: The Fighter
Thought: “I should’ve trained harder. This isn’t fair.”

Emotion: Frustration, blame, anger
Question: “Why can’t I get it right?” “Why don’t people see the value of this work?”
What helped: Taking responsibility for how I was speaking to myself. Choosing not to project blame — outward or inward.

Level 3: The Rationalizer
Thought: “This is tough, but I’m doing what I can.”
Emotion: Acceptance, release
Question: “What can I learn from this moment?”
What helped: Reflecting on the bigger picture. Looking at what was working, even if the outcomes didn’t show it yet.

Level 4: The Caregiver
Thought: “I’m not alone. Others struggle too.”
Emotion: Gratitude, connection
Question: “Who can I connect with right now?”
What helped: Reaching out to a friend who also didn’t have the race she hoped for. Our shared vulnerability reminded us: we’re not alone — and it’s okay to not be okay.

Level 5: The Explorer
Thought: “There’s value here, even if I don’t see it yet.”
Emotion: Peace, openness
Question: “What else might this be making room for?”
What helped: Looking for hidden wins — a powerful new idea, a shift in clarity, a deeper alignment with my vision. In my business, this looked like reaching out to mentors for guidance and connecting with other business owners to explore collaborations — creating win-win opportunities I wouldn’t have seen otherwise.

Level 6: The Visionary
Thought: “Every part of this is part of the whole.”
Emotion: Joy, wholeness
Question: “What if this is success — just in disguise?”
What helped: Remembering I’m not separate from the experience. I’m part of something bigger, and every moment belongs. Finding joy in unexpected places. Letting small moments of alignment and presence remind me of the bigger picture.

Level 7: The Creator
Thought: “There’s no success or failure. Just experience. Just creation.”
Emotion: Freedom, expansion
Question: “What do I want to create next?”
What helped: Letting go of labels. Coming back to pure possibility. Trusting that I get to begin again — always.

Each level helped me release a little more judgment and create a little more movement — emotionally, mentally, energetically, and physically.

It wasn’t about skipping over the hard stuff. I let myself feel the disappointment. I reached out. I honored the hard emotions. I reminded myself that it’s okay to hold both the grief and the growth — the falling short and the rising again.

Each level serves a purpose. There are gifts in all of them — and there are limitations, too. What matters most is whether you’re in a level by choice because it’s serving you, or by default because you’re stuck there without realizing it.

That’s the beauty of the Core Energy Leadership™ framework. It doesn’t label any emotion or experience as “bad.” Instead, it offers awareness. It helps you better understand yourself — your thoughts, feelings, reactions — and gives you more choice in how you respond, both internally and in relationship with others. This is the foundation of emotional intelligence.

When we view success and failure through a binary lens, we shrink the complexity of our experiences into something too small to hold their truth. We forget that both can be true — that failing at one thing might be the very thing that opens the door to something else.

The binary lives in Levels 1 through 4 — in fear, judgment, blame, and shame.
But expansion lives in Levels 5 through 7 — in perspective, peace, and creation.

The truth is:

I failed at my goals.
And I succeeded in showing up with heart.
I missed the mark.
And I moved through it with grace.
I stumbled.
And I’m still standing.

Take a moment to reflect using the Core Energy Leadership™ framework:

Where in your life are you telling yourself that you’ve failed?

Where are you feeling frustrated, stuck, or unsure of what’s next?

What might shift if you looked at that same situation through the lens of growth, connection, or learning?

The next time you feel caught in a loop of doubt or discouragement, try pausing to ask yourself:
What’s the energy I’m bringing to this situation — and what’s one small step I can take to shift it?

I’d love to hear from you — hit reply and share your reflections. Truly, they mean a lot to me.